Tuesday 22 May 2012

I am only human, thus I make mistakes.

Relationships are fragile. And I am suffering from depression due to my pregnancy. I wish people around me understood this better. But irrespective of whether or not I am understood, it does not give me the right to create scenes and tantrums just because I am pregnant. In the Indian society, the married girl is expected to behave in a certain fashion irrespective of how she actually feels. I am supposed to have a smiling face at all times, look after my inlaws, look after the needs of my husband and my mood swings are not to influence my behavior.

I have taken my parents for granted and hubby too for a certain extent. Last weekend, they got offended by my mood swings. It is a lesson to me in terms of how I really should be behaving. I know that there are several people that I cannot stand and several types of  behavior that I cannot tolerate due to my pregnancy mood patterns. But instead of yelling at people to understand or change, what I really need to do is take a deep breath, count to ten and MOST IMPORTANTLY stay QUIET if I cannot talk politely and put my point across.

We make statements in anger only to realize a while later that we should have rather shut up and we end up feeling guilty for the outburst esp. when it is targeted towards a family member. We cannot chose who becomes a part of our family, but the least we can do is maintain a polite distant relationship with each one ensuring that we do not say anything that would cause hurt to the other.

I promise to change my attitude towards people starting today. I promise to not yell at people for their short-comings. I promise to have a more positive outlook even when I am annoyed with people constantly thanks to my mood swings. I promise to consciously realize that mood swings occur but they will not take over my presence of mind. Mom said a few things she regretted, I said a few more that I regret right now. Time to repair and time to change my attitude.

That's it from me at the moment.

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