popping the bubble

This is a hard post for me to write. I wish I did not have to share this. But then, I promised a slice of my life, and as much as I don't wish this to be a part of my life, it is. I have fertility issues. I guess it is not so shocking to most of you. Considering that I am just 26, most of you would say it is not such a big deal as I have age on my side. But unfortunately, I have already been operated on for large endometric cysts on both ovaries, plus my ovaries showed PCOS last year. I am currently taking fertility meds and HCG injection. I am hoping all the meds taken this month should somehow help my conception. I should have checked my HCG home pregnancy test on 3rd Dec 2011 as that would be the day of my missed period. But then, I couldn't help myself and I tested yesterday..  It was followed by huge amounts of disappointment and sorrow and depression and weeping and finally acceptance.

Acceptance that I had tested early. Acceptance that pregnancy takes time. Acceptance that I have a condition that can be treated. Acceptance that the condition I have does not in any way make me feel like I am "lacking" as a female just because I cannot have kids without medical treatement. Acceptance that if this does not work, there are other options possible to have a kid in my life. Acceptance that I need to wait for a year of trying to have a kid before coming to the conclusion that all is lost. Acceptance that I need to be patient, and secure in my belief that I will be a mom to a baby one day.

Acceptance is what I am holding on to today.